Books & Theses - Part 4

JONATHAN`S BOOK

THE NEW HAS COME

A PRIEST FOR THE PEOPLE

'We have both been divorced ten times, we have 28 children between us, we realise now that we are lesbian and it is really important to us to get married upside down in a swimming pool. Can you help?' Well, I haven't quite had then that unusual, but some come near!

The most beautiful part of my ministry is when people have come to me with their tails between their legs, anxious and often wounded and having been rejected by many other priests. They tell me their story and ask if I can help. To speak the words, 'Yes, of course I can', is such a privilege.

I have seen people physically grow in stature and in confidence before me. I have had people break down in tears of relief. I have seen smiles blossom across barren faces.

CLERICAL ABUSE

I cannot begin to write down all their horror stories I have come across during my new work. It leaves me speechless.

There was the couple who had asked the local vicar to marry them. As the man had been divorced the vicar asked them to come to see him every week for an hour for six months, at the end of which he would decide. Guess what? At the end, the vicar said 'No'.

There was the single mum whose baby had a rare terminal disorder. She was beside herself when she came to me because the vicar had said the baptism had to take place in the main morning service. Her child had very special needs and a public service would have been totally impossible.

There was the family whose first three children all went to Sunday school and for whom faith had an important place in their lives. The children's baptism certificates and candles were all proudly displayed in the sitting room cabinet. But the vicar had refused to baptise their fourth child because the parents did not go to church enough.

POWER HUNGRY

The trouble is that some vicars enjoy their sense of power. They gain some sort of satisfaction in thinking they can play God and judge between the so-called good and the bad, and have people come to them with bowed heads and in a grovelling manner.

At times, when people approach me their voices are apologetic and soft, they have been reduced in some way by contact with an institution which has found them to be lacking and which has regarded them as too inferior to merit a marriage or baptism.

THE SUNSHINE OF ACCEPTANCE

I was determined that at the heart of my new work would be a thorough going acceptance of people, a warm hearted, none judgemental, open armed approach to the whims and ways of any I met. Some people have looked concerned, ' But is there anything you would not do. Anything that would shock you?'

Well if so, I have not discovered it yet. True, people come with a wild array of ideas which at times appear wacky and weird, but in every case there has been a reason why their request has made sense to them and has meaning in the context of their lives. If I encounter things which at first sight are uncomfortable to me I regard them as a challenge and try and work my way into the shoes of the people concerned and to understand why it is valuable for them. In this way I learned from Journeying with them to whole new worlds and cultures.

TRUTH

I believe the truth is a precious gift to offer one another. But truth is not a one-way gift. There has to be an environment in which truth can emerge and grow.

There is no greater killer than condemnation. It drives people within themselves. I have had so many couples say to me, 'We were not sure whether we would tell you the truth.' Vicars who take a heavy handed judgemental approach are foolish because they prevent people from being able to be open and honest with them.

If people know that they will be accepted, whatever they have to tell, and that you will give them the dignity and respect of believing in their right and ability to work out their own lives, then they will offer you the gift of their inner selves.

REACHING OUT TO THOUSANDS

In the first four years of my new ministry I had taken services which over 40,000 people have attended. Unlike a church, these were not the same tight knit clique week in and week out, but different people becoming involved in an act of worship.

What was even more significant is that many of the 40,000 people would not have experienced Christian ministry had my work not existed.

It was telling that while I remained within the Church of England the 'Decade of Evangelism' was under way, ten years of outreach to those 'outside' the church. The church formed numerous new committees to organise events, thousands of pounds were spent and hours of work went into thinking up new gimmicks to attract the floating non believer.

At the same time priests during my training would look out to other countries and wonder enviously at the wave of new life sweeping the churches abroad. In addition, old and new initiatives were being taken by many communities forming their own cluster groups of believers and moving away from the more stereotyped churches.

So many colleagues were depressed at the moribund nature of the church's life in the United Kingdom. Discussions began, 'If only….'

What has been ironic and marvellous is that my approach to ministry has turned out to be front-line evangelism (to use dreadful jargon) that has released the energy and sparkle experienced by churches abroad.

NO DEVIOUS PLOTS AND PLANS

I always found the scheming behind evangelism distasteful. Christians would be sitting together pooling their ideas about how to entice some husband, colleague, young person on whoever, into the church. There may be the invitation to the church social, the guest service, special prayer meetings or a dinner at home. People would swap their in-house tricks and boast of the scalps they had won along the way.

The fanatics would have a mental score card and would be on the watch to check out whether the preacher spoke the gospel message properly, or whether the new convert managed to bring the chatter round to Jesus effectively enough.

A beautiful part of my new ministry is that there are no such tactics, no ulterior motives, no hidden agenda. I naturally fulfil my priestly vocation to love. By so doing, countless opportunities to 'evangelise' present themselves.

Not that I have any intention of changing anyone's thoughts, beliefs or mind. I have an intention to love and I believe that love, unconditionally given, has its own divine power and energy to fulfil God's design.

THE CHURCH AS IT WAS MEANT TO BE

As I drive around the country, I pass innumerable church buildings. Most of them are locked, forbidding kinds of places. They are held in the grip of a few zealous followers who often have devoted their lives to them.

They have the same passionate loyalty to 'their' church as others do to 'their' pub, football ground, or country. They hold the reins of power and all hell breaks out if it is threatened. And so the churches remain no go areas to most people.

It is thrilling, then, to be giving back to the people what has been stolen from them by the institutionalised church. Suddenly, a private garden, a front room, the local pub, the nearby hotel, the country estate, a motor cruiser, a mountain top become the church 'building'. My vestry is a child's bedroom, a pub cellar, an outcrop of rock, an apple orchard.

This approach to ministry mirrors how Jesus and the disciples spoke, preached and took services, in their homes and on the hill tops of the holy land. It stands in as sharp a contrast to the over regulated Church of England as the Jesus brigade was to the Judaism of its day.

CRYING OUT FOR MINISTRY

In the first four years of my new work I saw the trickle of interest become a flood. There was no need for a clever advertising campaign or any gimmicks. People are crying out for this approach to ministry. But all they need to know is where it is available.

In the first few months I was glad if I had on average two enquiries a week, for years later that could have been as many as 90. Over those first four years, despite a slow start, over 4,000 people had contacted me for information. Over 40,000 people had attended my services as guests. I had travelled as far afield as Ireland, Crete, Menorca and Morocco. I had covered over 130,000 miles in Great Britain, visiting Scotland, Wales and all the coasts. I had visited hundreds of parishes in countless dioceses. I had conducted weddings, baptisms, namings and blessings, funerals, communion services, ministry to the bereaved and other counselling, exorcisms and, blessing of homes, anniversaries, the renewal of wedding vows and the blessing of rings.

I had baptised over 650 people. And the church had dared to call these people 'non Christians'.

Every family, couple and individual that I have met has had one thing in common, a sincere and meaningful faith. Their desire to express important moments in their lives in a spiritual manner arises out of their own inner awareness and appreciation of the things of faith.

True, it is not necessarily a neat, well packaged and glossy form of believing, but then it is all the more genuine for not being so. Unlike the 'factory produced' Christians who can speak some of the answers but often have not understood the questions; these are people whose faith is deeply woven into the way they live and breathe. They are the bread and butter Christians, the salt of the earth sort, who are thoroughly human, ordinary and safe for it. Their religion has not become a weapon to keep the world away or to inflict damage on others. It is an inner rhythm beating alongside their hearts.

BUT HOW CAN YOU TAKE SERVICES OUTSIDE THE CHURCH?

Conventional Christians will have heard a thousand sermons in which the preacher has reminded them that the church is not bricks and mortar but people!

In gardens, homes, on hillsides, boats and beauty spots, across the country groups of people gather. Friends and family come together, many of them strangers to one another, but they come as crowds came to Jesus. Together they choose to take part in an act of worship, they read Scripture, say prayers, declare their beliefs. They are the church.

This is the church of the spirit. It knows no walls, their systems of religion; it has no membership cards.

THE TRAPPED AND THE FREE

When Jesus lived, the religion of the day had become so rule bound, over organised, political and structured that the spirit of God had been squeezed out. Corruption flowed through its veins as a disease.

His wide open, relaxed and spontaneous approach to faith shocked the authorities. He was seen as a mad and dangerous man acting disrespectful both to God and God's chosen representatives.

The people didn't think so, however. Religion came to life again for them. Jesus handed back to the ordinary folk permission to believe and to pray in a way that made sense for them. He taught them about God and how to worship at home, in open spaces and in their hearts.

The power of faith and its usefulness for life became available. It was as though truth had broken free. Inside the religious institution of the Jewish faith, the priests and officials were terrified! Their positions and their power were under threat. For once people had tasted the real thing, there was no going back.

HOME BASED

A lot of people either forgot or do not realise that the early Christians and followers of Jesus did not go to church. They were small clusters of people who gathered together because they wanted to pray and to believe as Jesus had done. They met at each other's homes, on the roof terraces, by the lakes and rivers, in the countryside.

There were no buildings, no formal organisation, no system of priests in charge of everything, no rules. All of that came later. As it came, something vital and necessary began to be lost, the freedom of the spirit to guide and to move.

SAFETY IN RULES

Some of my critics say that, unlike a parish priest, I am unaccountable, no one is checking up on me.

It should be known that I am not against rules and guidelines. A million dollar question, however, is who sets them. The trouble with the church is that it exists to protect itself and all its rules are in-house. The parish priests are a law unto themselves. They can almost do what they like except where money and sex come in. Otherwise they can tyrannise people, conduct themselves inappropriately and rudely and reign over their parishes in a cruel and unchristian manner for years, and no one can do anything about it.

I, on the other hand, am directly accountable to the public. If I began to do odd, dubious or dangerous things then it would soon become known and my ministry would fail. As with Jesus, so with me, it is the people who decide, not the institution.

True, the authorities conspired to have Jesus killed, but his spirit lived on, because love can never be destroyed. It lives on and fuels and drives the hearts of those it touches and no amount of devious tactics or strategy can remove it.

NO PRETENSIONS

The fact that I refer back to Jesus does not mean that I am in any way suggesting I am a new Jesus figure! However, his attitude to faith and religion should be emulated by those who follow him.

If you look at the Christian religion today as practised in Britain, it is almost identical to the Judaism of Jesus as day, over structured and over regulated. Even the modern churches which stand for a free and spirit based approach are like prisons in the way they market a precise code of belief and conduct.

So, I want this book to encourage those people of God who want to walk towards the Jesus of the hill top, who want to meet with the early Christians of the front room, who want to carry on the journey that they were taking before it was hijacked down the institutional road.

YOU MARRIED US SO PLEASE COULD YOU BAPSTISE OUR BABY?

Relationship brings faith alive. The love that draws us together forges invisible bonds across the years. How many times have I heard about people who have gone back to the church they were married in, or to the priest who married them, because they were hoping for further ministry. How many times have those priests replied, 'But you have moved or I have moved and therefore you should go to your new church or new priest.' Important and beautiful links that have been created are passed over in favour of supporting a system which continually asks people to make new contacts, which of course they rarely do.

One of the beautiful sides of my new approach to ministry is that I'm not geographically bound. I will travel anywhere. There are families with whom I have been involved since I began work as a priest in 1982.

I had married them, baptised their babies, buried members of their family, married them a second time and so on. I have a relationship across the decades which gains more meaning and depth with every passing year and event and I provide a figure of security and nourishment for faith through the twists and turns of life.

22: THE CATHEDRAL OF SKY AND MOUNTAIN

A baptism is the most wonderful service to take because its focus is the miracle of life, a unique and precious child given as a gift to the world.

It is extraordinary that most parish priests regard baptisms as a nuisance and the families who come for them as spongers and parasites.

In the past the church taught that every baby had to be baptised. It was almost a part of the process of birth. This habit became so ingrained that even now, decades later, it is an instinctive part of many families expectations. However, a shock awaits them! Nowadays most vicars have a different view. If you're a club member and attend church often, all well and good but if you only turn out occasionally or not at all, expect to be sent away with the proverbial flea!

The policy is one of blackmail. You either need to come to church every week for six months or to go through a course involving instruction sessions, videos at home with church members and the final vetting session with the priest to see whether you have accepted enough to get you involved. If you have, you're through, if you fail along the course, you're back to square one.

TEARS AND TORMENT

I have had a stream of irate, distraught mothers and fathers on the phone to me having been incensed by their local vicars. Do such vicars actually believe they're doing good service to the gospel or the church by creating such bad feeling in the community?

Anyway, up and down the land, there are countless families who have suffered such treatment. I meet entire families where for two or even three generations children have remained unbaptised because of a rigid priest. The only message that the families take away with them following such encounters is one of rejection and hurt, and this at a time of such hope and promise.

THE SYSTEM

Mind you, if you do manage to get through the security cordon, which of course some families do, either through conformity all by lying, you are then faced with a fairly unpleasant experience.

The baptism service takes place in the main morning service with about three or four other families. The church is full of newcomers, for most of the regulars cannot stand the disruption of the baptism Sunday and stay away. Many of the children are not used to being in church and bang their heads on the queues, roam noisily and create havoc! The service is often a communion which seems endless and peculiar because it is all about chewing someone's body and sipping blood!

It is an hour and a half of bedlam, screaming children and a conveyor belt for the baptism. Most of what happens has nothing to do with your reason for being there and is an embarrassment for your guests; you leave the nightmare experience fraught and dissatisfied. The celebration of your unique child and its introduction to faith has been reduced to a difficult ordeal.

WHY OH WHY?

Such a system is devised by priests on the defensive. Under threat, their way of packaging and marketing faith is in decline. Numbers are falling, popularity is waning, something has to be done.

In committees they thrash out of ideas together. New systems are justified quoting the Bible and theology. Baptisms, weddings and funerals are the times that people in need make contact with the church. Here is the chance to catch them one way or another. If they want something from us, then we'll expose them to an intense publicity drive. It is like those timeshare holiday offers, where you have to go through hours of hard sell tactics before you can get your 'free' gift.

Neighbouring parishes are given the task of policing each other's systems. Refugees from one parish are certainly not given asylum in another. 'You must go to your own priest and do what he says', the escapee is told.

The unexpected result is a massive melt down. People dislike the established church even more as they find such tactics patronising and offensive. They are adults with integrity who know what they believe and why. They will not be bullied or manipulated into the beliefs of the local priest.

THE BATTLE OF VIEWS

In past years the balance of power has rested with the institutions. State or church dictated what the options were and everyone had to jump to order. Even when it could be seen to be blatantly unfair, there was nothing that could be done.

The Royal Family were allowed to have baptisms at home but the everyday folk had to go to church. Even if the royals rarely went to church and didn't have a conventional set of beliefs, it did not matter; they could be baptised, married, anything, as and when and where they wanted.

So in an age of choice, when at its most banal you can buy almost anything from the superstores, why can you not choose the way you want your beliefs expressed? Gone, thankfully, are the days when people were burnt at the stake for their beliefs. Gone, too, should be the days when ministry is controlled by the church.

THE WORLD IS YOUR OYSTER

So I say to a family, 'It is up to you. You can have your service wherever you would like; at home, in your garden, at work, in a pub, up a mountain, by a lake, in a church, on a boat, the sky is the limit.'

And I say to a family, 'It is up to you. The words of the service must reflect what you believe, what holds value for you and has meaning in your lives. The words must be a reflection of your inner selves and thoughts.'

And I say to a family, 'It is up to you. How do you want me to take the service? How do you want it arranged? What do you want me to wear? In fact, tell me every detail. I will offer my skills in setting out a lot of ideas and choices before you; mingle those with your own and create what is yours.'

The end result is, in the main, a service which is fairly conventional and mainstream Christian in terms of content and style, fine tuned to the couple's approach and refreshing in its mix of new and old material. The venues too are generally not bizarre, ranging from exquisite rooms to private homes to the fine gardens of country estates. Nevertheless, those who want something more extreme can go for it!

The freedom I make available to people to create a service which is right for them is a pioneering form of ministry in this country. Far from compromising the Christian faith, it more truly expresses it.

THE GENUINE ARTICLE

So many services in churches have lost their meaning all together, because the words no longer arise from the hearts of the worshippers. They are yesterday's words which very often do not carry today's sentiments or wisdom.

What I appreciate about my new ministry is that the people have chosen those words which have meaning for them. I send them suggestions which they can react to, amend, edit, add to or discard all together. In the to and fro of words a service is born which is 100% the outward expression of an inner understanding. The service I am taking is truth.

OPENING DOORS

This approach creates a sense of relaxation. The families are not on edge, suspicious and threatened; after all it is happening in their own home or another venue they have chosen. They are in control and they know their guests are not going to be embarrassed or bored.

Their hearts are wide open to enjoy what happens, to receive the experience of worship and prayer. In the quiet ness and in the intense moments of the service, such as the signing of the cross on the child's forehead, the baptism itself and the giving of the candle, people are visibly moved.

There is an intimacy and a focus to the event which is not destroyed by the fidgeting of the restless feet of a bored congregation. I have even seen the tough cookie types who would not be seen dead in a church touched by the experience.

HOLINESS FOR EVERYONE

It used to annoy me intensely when Christian people encouraged the notion that there is something super holy about the church or sanctuary, as though you could catch holiness in a space.

Holiness is of the spirit and everything has the potential for holiness. It thrills me to transform a front room, a back garden, a hotel room or a pub into a holy place. It emphasises the point that God is not locked up in the parish church.

After the ceremony the family can watch on video their room, their home having been turned into a church, or they can close their eyes and see the cross, the shining font, the beautiful vestments and feel the love that filled their hearts that day.

God visited the house and now God is there to stay.

23: FROM CLOUD TO CIRCUS RING

It had to be the most wonderful setting possible for a baptism. We had climbed from the foot of Mount Snowdon to its peak on a fine and clear day. The views were breathtaking with distant horizons on every side. The colours and contours were vivid and the air was soft and warm.

We found an outcrop of rocks and set up a cross, candle sticks and a font. My vestry was a precarious slope. The guests perched down on grass and stone and we were quite a while, soaking up the wonder, bathing in the glory.

No cathedral or church could ever have compared with this majesty. Thus took place the first baptism upon the summit of Mount Snowdon.

It seemed so appropriate to have found a place from which one could look down on the petty rules and squabbles of religion and be free, soaring high in our spirits above those things which restrict and cramp our freedom and our inspiration.

AN ELEPHANT NEVER VISITED MY CHURCH

The most unusual venue for a baptism at ground level was in the circus big top. The director wanted his daughter to be baptised and, following a continental tradition, wanted the service under canvas.

I set up the font on the saw dust of the ring, with the empty circus seats filled with the silent delight of all those who had watched and laughed and loved the shows.

Slowly the circus family began to arrive;. The clown made up with broad smile and comic relief nose. The trapeze artists glittering in a thousand sequins, jugglers, acrobats and, last of all, the 26 year-old circus elephant- all came into the ring!

I had never before had such a congregation. As I read their prayers, one word kept coming to me: 'incarnation'. It is a fancy word for describing the belief that God appeared in human form in Jesus. It is about God, not staying hived off in heaven but being found near us and in us and around us.

CULTURAL TYRANNY

I thought to myself how awful it would have been to have forced this group of people to attend the local parish church. They would have been robbed of their cultural setting and the life they cherished and squeezed into the cultural mould of the church.

Instead, here we were celebrating their baptism in their cultural home. Got was not locked up in some cold and empty building but was to be found in the circus ring, in the circus family and in their way of life.

RUGBY, DARTS AND BEER

Then there have been the memorable services in the pub.

On one occasion I had been invited to baptise four children at a pub in southeast London. I knew the area well. The church was struggling and stood nearby, rarely used and irrelevant to most of the community.

In contrast the pub was the hub of the community, bristling with vitality. It was packed that Saturday afternoon. The bar rooms were crowded, many were watching the rugby while others played pool or darts. Groups of joking friends spilled into the garden while others sat enjoying the sun.

The baptism was to be held in the centre of the lawn and about 100 chairs were arranged facing a centrepiece of flowers. Well, I knew where Jesus would have been that day, given the choice: The church would not have got a look in.

THE SUPERNATURAL

Many people spend their lives chasing spooks and ghosts and a world 'out there'. The supernatural holds a fascination. What people have not realised is that magic and mystery lie within the folds of what is natural and ordinary.

Dreams are realised and wishes come true not with magic wands but when people unlock the potential within themselves and within life.

Worship in a pub is like that; taking the ordinary everyday environment and lifting people's eyes to see what is there all the time. As the service progressed, heads hung around the pub door, quizzical eyes peered through glass, something enticed others to gather, watch and listen.

I often think that the regulars will always remember the day God visited the pub. Others will have a sense that he drinks with them every night.

THE TELLTALE CIGAR

The first home baptism I did is etched forever in my mind. I can remember the Dad handing out beers before the ceremony and passing by with a cigar, filling the room with its rich and heavy smoke.

Something in my ruffled, ' But this is a baptism-he should not be smoking.' I paused and then my worry was removed by a much greater sense of joy which began to fill me. This man, these people, felt at home, relaxed and happy to be themselves. They were not frozen, nervous about whether they were doing the right or wrong thing in church. God had come to visit them and loved them and accepted them just as they were.

I often chuckle to myself and imagine the faces of church goers if a baptism family pulled out a four pack from their bag to share along the pew!

SPECIAL NEEDS

Then there have been the families with problems of various kinds; a precious child with a terminal illness, an autistic child, one with behavioural problems, a mother with agoraphobia, a complicated family background, parents with sight or hearing difficulties. In these situations the service can be sensitive and thoughtful. The words, for instance, can be adapted, necessary pauses can be made if the baby is hungry or a nappy needs changing, and unrestrainable children can roam. Whatever the problems, they can be accommodated.

I have been called out to do emergency baptisms in the night, been baptised myself by mischievous children before I managed to sprinkle them, and had to stop my silver oil pot being hurled as a missile across the room.

THE GARDENS OF GOD

Some of the loveliest services had been outside in people's gardens. I can remember a number where the flowers have been laden with blossom and the service has been beside a pond or water fountain.

In the quietness, the sound of running water accompanied by a medley of bird song under a barmy sun has been the perfect setting to celebrate and give thanks for a child. The heavy symbols of church have been replaced by something which for the guests feels much closer to God, and they are moved accordingly.

ACROSS THE BOUNDARIES

There is no discrimination in my work. I am available for anyone and everyone. On one day I can visit a country estate where champagne flows like water and the child to be baptised arrives in horse and trap and then move on to a one bedroom flat where a single mother struggles to cope. Everyone's circumstances are different, but their hearts and their needs are the same.

We all long for love and acceptance. I intend that to be the essence of my ministry. As a Christian priest, I have been called to offer just that.

THE SERVICE ITSELF

I hope that I take all my services in a personal manner. My aim is to create an easy and comfortable feeling in which people are able to relax. The dynamic of the service needs to work hand in glove with the events of the moment. If people need to move, children make comments or cameras flash, none of it poses a problem.

Everything can be woven into the service and within this practical, hands-on approach, moments of mystery, of wonder, of a sense of God's presence, emerge naturally. The service never rules the occasion, it is a servant to the family and expresses for them the love and hope which is at the heart of the gathering.

CONVENTIONAL OR WACKY?

The interesting thing is that the majority of my ministry is conventional. True, the venues or the approach may be different, but in terms of what actually happens on the day, the content of the service is bread and butter Christian worship.

Even when people want something less 'churchy' they end up having something quite acceptable to the Christian mainstream, though the words may be more colloquial and informal.

A small number of families want something other than a baptism, perhaps a naming and blessing ceremony, the chance to give thanks for their baby and dedicated its life to God or towards goodness. Such services are equally meaningful.

HISTORICAL DOCUMENTS

As this is a pioneering form of ministry and the beginning of a new approach in this country, it has been important to keep meticulous registers. Every baptism is entered properly in baptism registers and every service in service registers.

The contents of the baptism register is unique. Each page entry is devoted to a particular parish across the land and after four years I have five such books. When I die they will be lodged at the county record office with other parochial records.

The service registers demonstrate the extent of my ministry, the range of services performed and the number of those attending. They make fascinating reading and will, I hope, entertain future researchers!

24: BREAKING THE CHURCH-STATE MONOPOLY

How often have you heard someone in despair saying, 'I do not want a church wedding but the registry office is so awful. If only I could……?' It has always seemed madness to me that people are prevented from having their dream wedding. In such situations my instinctive response is always that there must be away.

When I began my new ministry I provided such a way for people. For the first time there was someone who was willing to offer a full and complete wedding ceremony in an entirely flexible manner. I can remember one of my first couples saying that they had looked for months for such a person. It was three weeks before their wedding day and they had just read about me. 'It was our dream come true', they said.

UNLOCKING THE AVIARY

When couples phone or visit me and tell me their hopes and ideas, it is wonderful to be able to say, 'Yes'. Their imaginations are released and they can set about creating a beautiful occasion.

It has been the traditional wisdom to deny such freedom because of the fear that such licence would lead to all sorts of dangerous innovations threatening society. What rubbish! As artists are protective and proud of their work, a couple's plans arise from deep within them. Their wedding is not a trivial gimmick but a carefully worked expression of their individuality.

BUT THAT'S JUST CRAZY

Of course, for some people, your ideas may appear bizarre or awkward because they do not inhabit the world or experience from which you come. I remember a local vicar commenting sourly when he heard about an unusual wedding, 'Well, silly people do silly things'. It is just such prejudice which has choked the life and vitality of people across the generations and has led to the decline in people's interest in the church.

Censure and disdain are the techniques used by threatened people to protect their territory. In today's world it only humiliates the critics, for they have lost their power to prevent or spoil another's dream.

THE LAW IS SOMETIMES AN ASS!

As far as weddings go that is certainly true. Even with the recent changes it is still hopelessly restrictive. But most couples when planning their perfect wedding come to a dead end and turn back with disappointment, but I was sure there was a way.

I can advise couples now on a range of different ways they can link the legal and ceremonial parts of their wedding day. At certain venues, if the couple desire, the registrar can fulfil the legal aspects of the wedding and then once he or she has left, a religious or secular service can follow.

However, the most popular choice is what I call the 'continental approach'. It is the simplest to arrange and gives the couple the maximum freedom. I introduced the idea when I began my new ministry and it instantly caught on. Across the continent they adopt a different, two tier system for marriage. Couples must first go to register their wedding legally at the municipal building and then afterwards on the same or on another day they have their wedding service with family and friends.

So I suggest to couples that they follow the same procedure. In the week before they go to the registry office. There they arrange to carry out the basic minimum of ritual. There are no frills like music or readings, not even the exchanging of rings. They answer the mandatory questions and sign the papers. As witnesses, they take either two close members of the family or friends. Some arrange for myself and my personal assistant, or two others who are unconnected with them, to attend.

THE JEANS JOB

One couple told me how they dashed in five minutes late, she in her bikini top and he in shorts. They rushed it through and were in and out in six minutes. They imagined the registrar's thoughts as they left, 'Oh the young people of today, no respect even for marriage!' What they knew was that the next day they were having the most elaborate and carefully planned wedding ever!

Some people still choose to make the registry office part special in its own way, while reserving the main focus for their service with me, although most couples treat it like slipping into the bank to carry out some paperwork. For them it has no significance or importance. Although it is legally their wedding, for them their true wedding is what we have planned together with their families and friends. It is that day which will be celebrated for the coming years as their wedding anniversary.

Of course having carried out the legal wedding, there are absolutely no restrictions as to what the couple can plan. Their wedding can be in the form, at the venue and in the manner of their choosing.

REGAINING THE INITIATIVE

There is nothing quite so odious to me as having to sit through a service which has no meaning. It is like attending a wedding of convenience, where the couple have no love for each other. Something is happening outwardly but inside it is hollow, an empty shell.

Laws and regulations often coerce people into going through the motions just because there is no other way.

My 'continental approach' allows couples to church what is of no use to them on the scrap heap and to create something where a lovely harmony exists between what they feel and what they are doing and saying.

TEARS TO THE EYES

Over the years I have developed a wedding booklet of material for weddings services. It is a unique document and the couple's with whom I work, read through this together.

It is full of beautiful words and poetry, traditional and modern material, standard and alternative vows, readings, prayers; in fact every resource to create a perfect wedding. Of course they can also adapt, edit, discard or add to the material. It is infinitely flexible. What matters in the end is that the words chosen for their service will convey for them what they believe about love, marriage and God.

A number have said that they could not read it without crying, so lovely were the sentiments, and that sharing it together was an intimate experience for them.

THE NORMAL CONVEYOR BELT

So much thought and care is invested in a wedding, not to mention money! Every detail is pored over exhaustively, except what happens in the church. Over this the couple have little or no choice. They cannot choose the vicar, who may be wonderful but could be ghastly. They cannot choose their service or the way it is conducted.

How strange this is when it forms such a vital part of the day! Sometimes the wedding goes well, but many times the reception is a hot bed of analysis as the guests try and shake off the cobwebbed feelings about the dire service they have just attended so that they can enjoy the rest of the day.

THE OBSTACLE COURSE

It is amazing when you consider what they have had to endure to book the church. They may have had to be baptised and confirmed, attended the church for six months or several weeks; they may have had to attend the preparation course, the worst of which are run by the vicar.

Of course, it is worse still if either or both were divorced. Then they would have faced a humiliating interview and a rejection or a prolonged form filling exercise and an interminable wait while the bishop and his cronies pass judgement on whether the marriage could go ahead.

In some cases, it may be all plain sailing but what still remains a worrying unknown is what the church bit will be like on the day.

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO WEAR

It always surprises couples when I ask them what I should wear. Every detail is their choice. Do they want me to bring a cross, or the candle sticks? Do they want me robed? If so, do they want just the cassock and surplus, or the full works?

Do they want other people involved in the service or just me? Do they want to sing hymns or anything else? I take them through the entire ceremony and they sculpt out of the raw material there desired event.

OTHER FAITHS, NO FAITH

Some couples come where one partner is Christian and the other is of another religion.

It is an expression of love to be able to provide for them a service which incorporates both traditions. They either want someone else to lead the sections from another faith, or ask if I would be willing to do it. It causes me no problem. Love is willing to respect and handle sensitively and reverently the treasures of another person. How could it be otherwise? How could God want me to do otherwise? At one wedding I was proud to wear my Cassock with the Jewish yarmulke.

Likewise if a person wants a service without the clutter of religious words and imagery, then why should that be difficult? I have never had a person who did not want a service which celebrated and honoured love and care and commitment. If what is good in life is available for use in such a service then as far as I'm concerned as a priest, God is very fully involved. I do not need to keep beating God's name, or the contents of the religious linguistic cupboard.

25: THE INTERNET, SPEEDBOATS, APPLE ORCHARDS AND CASTLES

The wind was strong but the sky was blue as we roared out onto the English Channel. The jetty of Littlehampton harbour was busy with wedding guests peering out at us across the water. Even the registrar, who had been bem used the day before to learn that the couple's real wedding was happening the next day on a speed boat, had turned out to watch.

The bride and groom were in full attire, I wore my elaborate gown, and with a handful of guests we were clinging discreetly onto the side of the speed boat which, although it had come to rest, still persisted in lurching from side to side.

This was my first taste of something quite 'unusual.

THE FIRST UK WEDDING OVER THE INTERNET

This was a laugh! The happy couple were called Dawn Raid and Dragan Radosevolich. They had met over the Internet, had courted via email and had finally touched flesh in a London pub. They liked what they saw and went ahead with plans for a cybernet wedding.

I was in one Cybercafe bar in Ealing and they in another in Central London. The visuals were done over the net and the sound courtesy of British Telecom. The computer nuts loved it, as did Dawn and Dragan. Some might have feared it would be impersonal, but it was not. The service they chose was deep and beautiful and they, with others, were moved to tears and laughter through the service.

THE WETTEST WEDDING

The couple had met under a boat in Cyprus! What then could have been better than holding the wedding underwater?

It certainly felt strange wearing my beautiful robe as I led the bride along the waters edge. Stranger still was when, half way through the service, I swapped the robe for the necessary scuba gear.

Fully oxygenated and dog collared I led the couple and their attendants down beneath the water, to the altar and candles below. We were using the latest sound equipment which enabled us to hear each other and so they made their vows to one another.

The only tricky moment came when the groom, overcome with emotion, snatched the bride's breathing apparatus away to kiss her, and almost drowned her in the process!

THE APPLE ORCHARD

It was like something from a Hardy novel; young girls skipped along the country lane through rye grass and poppy flowers, and a struggling band of wedding pilgrims made their way to an apple orchard in the heart of the Kent countryside.

It was a wonderful day; a broad blue sky with wisps of cloud, butterflies chasing the scents and startled hares bounding across the fields. Here amidst nature's glory we celebrated the wedding.

THE CASTLE RUINS

Grannies and aunts and uncles gathered along side leathered and tattooed youngsters whose machines had raged together in the car park- an unlikely group for a Saturday afternoon inside the walls of Newark castle.

After a long wait another roar could be heard and Duke pulled into the castle grounds on his low-slung dragster bearing the bride, dressed as Morticia from the Adams family.

It was uncanny--the service, the setting, the scene was perfect - grand, alternative and yet simple. It cost hardly anything and yet probably surpassed the most elaborate wedding. The couple were certainly alternative, but they had so much wanted a priest to be there to share with them the meaningful words they had chosen.

I chuckled to myself. As I swept up to the great stone windows overlooking the Newark valley in my embroidered gown, leading Morticia to her husband to be, I thought how much I preferred being there rather than stuck in some cathedral or church where those inside would only turn their noses up at such a couple.

THE FREEDOM TO BE

I always calm couples by assuring them that they have nothing to worry about through the service; I will guide them from start to finish. Having said that, I also stress that my guiding the proceedings is not a straight jacket. They should feel entirely free to do or say whatever they want. Nothing, I bravely say, would ever throw me, because I would weave anything that happened into the service.

Most couples are happy to be guided, but some will make a joke, in remarks to one another or their guests. I had one bride who, having kept the guests waiting 20 minutes, stepped out of the wedding car onto the lawns of the country hotel and with a wave of her hand declared, 'hia folks!' When asked whether she wanted to take her intended as her husband, she paused cheekily, stepped back, gave him the once over and then somewhat questioningly replied, 'Yeeees'!

After all, this is their big day and their service. I love them to make of it what they choose.

FROM MILKING SHEDS TO COUNTRY BARNS

Some people find the most wonderful settings for their services.

One wedding was held in a converted milking shed, lined with the original beans and white washed, burgeoning with flowers. A quartet provided the music and the bride arrived over the cobbled forecourt.

Another was held in an ancient Norman chapel, lit by candles and laden with daffodils, while peacocks strutted proudly on the lawns outside.

Another took place in what used to be a vast chapel but was now converted into a banqueting suite, with the original sanctuary still preserved. And the colours from the stained glass windows enveloped the guests in a rainbow light.

Another was on the shores of Lake Windermere, with forestted backdrop and swans gliding byte order!

Castle rooms, country barns, and river cruises, hill sides, back gardens, hotel suites, football stadiums, anywhere and everywhere, weddings have been celebrated.

A LONDON PARK

Midsummer, under a dusky sky, within a circle of flaming torches and watched by a group of wide-eyed children was a very individual setting for one wedding. The couple really want it to be very informal and even largely unscripted!

The service was to pass through four stages, interspersed with popular songs, but while each stage had a heading I had to speak spontaneously. It was the only service I have taken to which I travelled with no text!

In addition they wanted me to wear my dog collar and a Hawaiian shirt which, as my wardrobe couldn't oblige, they provided.

A SELECTION OF FOREIGN JAUNTS

Some people want to pack a priest in their suitcase as well! Weddings in exotic, romantic or significance settings with an English priest is for some the perfect mix. I travelled out to Loutro in Crete to take a wedding in a beautiful village orthodox church, although the bride was not quite expecting the elderly ladies of the village to swarm around her during their service tugging at her dress and gossiping loudly as was their tradition!

I have taken a lovely wedding out in Minorca, where the groom's spanking new silk tie was unexpectedly cut off and up and sold for auction, as is their tradition!

Marrakesh, under the Atlas mountains, was an awesome and spectacular setting for a service. It was certainly unusual, with a band of snake charmers, acrobats and dancers ready to perform as soon as the ceremony finished.

TOUCHING VENUES

Some have wanted to return to childhood haunts. One such wedding was held underneath a willow tree on an island surrounded by canal waterways. It was here that the bride played as a child while her mother worked at the adjoining mill.

Family homes and gardens, the night club or a venue where romance blossomed or where special holidays had been taken are favourite choices.

SURPRISE, SURPRISE!

Some manage to build in an element of surprise even to the wedding itself. One bride arranged, unbeknown to her partner, for the actual wedding and reception to be held at his beloved Chelsea football ground. Another considered holding a service at half time during the woman's rugby match in which she would have been playing.

Some have planned their service during a function at which the invited guests had no idea what would happen.

MAKING THE ORDINARY, EXTRAORDINARY

Most of the services I take are quite conventional, however. Of course the setting and the content of the service is chosen by the couple and bears their unique mark, but their wish is for the wedding to be experienced by their guests as a traditional wedding with a walk down the aisle, vows, rings and signing the register.

This is bread and butter priestly work, but releasing it from the killing restrictions of tradition and church rules and approaching it with flexibility and the refreshment of the couple's close involvement gives the whole experience a marvellous lift. The wedding is transformed into something living and real. Gone are the cobwebs of a bygone system, instead we adopt an approach which makes sense and fills the occasion with meaning and significance .

Of course, for some, their desire is to make the setting tingle with individuality as well. The hotel, garden, and banqueting suite is too limiting. For them it has to be a cruise liner, Concorde or floating in the blue and open sky in a hot air balloon!

26: LOVE AGAINST ALL 0DDS.

You sometimes read about a priest who has been willing to carry out a 'hole in the corner' blessing for a gay or lesbian couple. They are terrified of what their congregations or colleagues might say if they are found out. Other priests refuse point blank.

It is tragic when you reduce people's deep and rich experience into something they have to hide or something about which they are mistakenly made to feel ashamed.

When a gay or lesbian couple contact me they are assured of exactly the same care and respect as I would give to a heterosexual couple. Love wherever it is found is to be valued and protected.

YOU CAN'T…..

Many people enjoy being able to say, 'You can't!' They feel powerful and more secure by being able to declare what can and cannot be done. They feel that their world would fall apart if they said, 'Yes, you can!' All sorts of terrible things might happen!

Not so. The world becomes a safer place when each allows others to journey towards their light especially when that light is love. Some of the most moving and meaningful services I have taken have been for gay and lesbian couples, who have had to struggle to survive, who have faced untold pressures and hostility, and who have learned the pain of owning their individuality in a conformist world.

THE TRUE COMMUNITY

There is something special when Mums and Dads, their grandparents, aunts and uncles gather with friends and colleagues from many walks of life for the wedding of two women or two men. They have grown accustomed to and recognised the undeniable beauty of their relationship which they want to see blossom into the commitment of marriage.

I heard about a preacher recently who although sympathetic to such couples warned that they should not imitate or mimic heterosexual marriages. That is to miss the point. It is not imitation, it is the natural end of intimate love forged between two people.

One lesbian couple told me that whereas they had resisted the idea of marriage for ten years, their parents had kept pressing them towards it.

THE TUTTING CHURCH

Just before one lesbian wedding I did, I had heard a Christian woman broadcasting an anti-gay Thought for the Day on Radio Four. In contrast to her life denying and defensive opinions, the wedding service was full of warmth and love. There were no dry eyes as the couple clasped one another and, with a resolve already tested through time and trouble, they pledged their eternal love for each other.

The pathways of their lives had brought them to this moment. Treasures each had collected along the way were entrusted to the other. Their individuality and unique journey were affirmed and celebrated by the guests. This was a loving, nourishing and nurturing community at its best.

The church that morning had remained clustered in the shadows of prejudice, broadcasting dark sentiments to shackle and chain its listeners. Here we were free, blossom in the liberty of love and acceptance.

As I took the service I could hear in my thoughts the Mother's Union, Readers and Priests, the regular church goers, often the very worst sort, tut tutting to themselves as they preened their feathers of self righteousness.

SECRETIVE AND SAUCY CHURCHWARDENS

Never imagine things are as they seem! You scan a morning congregation and see a mass of fine upright 'cleaner than clean' citizens. If you haven't used a spiritual form of washing powder then it is an incentive to start. Let us all play at being whiter than white.

It is a lie of course.

I remember when a church warden, from another church, came to me. He lived with his wife and his children working faithfully in the church and holding a respected and secure place in the church's life.

During his visit he told me of his homosexuality, of his regular visits to gay bars and his one of sexual encounters with those he picked up. It was a complex and involved world within which he lived. No one else in the church knew anything about it. Such is the nature of expectation. It shoves those who fall from its grasp underground, into the dark tunnels and passages of life in which they seek an acceptance they can never find.

The church warden wanted me to absolve him, accept and affirm him, hold him and hug him and send him away back into his lonely world of deceit and lies.

Next time you look round the congregation, weep for the broken and the lost and the fractured lives that can never know healing or piece, whose white shirts and frocks hide their wounds which bleed or fester unrecognised and untended.

ITS ABOUT TIME

One could wait a lifetime for attitudes to change and things to become possible. One can reach the grave disappointed and angry with others for having denied you your dreams. Never let that happen to you.

Any dream which has value can come true.

So do not sit around and wait for others to give permission, say 'Yes' to and for yourself. Such has been the attitude of many of the gay and lesbian couples I have known and whom I have encouraged. Pieces of paper from the state, legal recognition, acceptance in the community, approval from the church-- these are some of the games which the power brokers make us play. By joining in, you only enhance their authority.

If the rules of others are crude enough not to accommodate you, chuck them. Play the game of life with better rules that involve and include everyone. Imbue them with the authority vested in your self as a unique and precious member of the community. See them worked, modified, accepted and respected by others around you.

If the gay or lesbian couple want a wedding ceremony and want to regard themselves as a married couple, then that is for them to believe and them to know. Those who love and respect them will affirm them.

My role as a priest is to assist them and to serve them in naming their reality and in fulfilling their dream.

ALWAYS BIN A GENERALISATION

All my working days I have worked with people at the cutting edge of their lives, and the place where pretence gives way to truth. In my time every prejudice and assumption has been challenged and so many stereotypes have been broken.

There are as many kinds of people as people themselves and as many kinds of relationships as relationships themselves. Our attempts to put everything into neat boxes shows up our fear of life in all its variety. It is satisfying to throw away the boxes and to take each situation anew. We then keep the wide open eyes of childhood, able to see and appreciate, and uncorrupted by cynicism and boredom.

It allows us to kill off the layers of conformity that have often suffocated us and set free our own special self, wonderfully our own and as no other.

SEX AS A WINDOW TO GOD

Our dreams and our desires are a jungle through which we pass with wonder and caution. Its good not to travel alone, although it's highly dangerous to invite another to travel with you.

In the jungle we discover ourselves, we encounter the other and we become aware of God. It is a precious moment when people begin to tell you about their jungle. They allow you to view there innermost selves, that path from childhood to adulthood and all that has happened along the way. Such is holy ground.

When the church bandies around crude and heavy-handed judgements about these areas and issues, it should realise that it silences many people, shuttering their windows and closing their doors. It prevents true communion from ever taking place and turns the church into a superficial gossip hut..

As far as I'm concerned come forward all and sundry, be you straight , gay, lesbian, transvestite, transsexual; whether you are into leather, feathers or Mars bars. Whatever your orientation or your taste, whether it's within the narrow or at the most extreme boundaries known to society, you are welcome and loved unconditionally, as you are.

OVER THE EDGE

Even if you have fallen over the edge into the world of taboo or prohibition, into the dark realms of criminality and abuse, you are still welcome to be loved unconditionally. Not that your actions could meet with my agreement or condoning, but give me your honesty and I will give you my time and my love so that such love could be the light to guide you through your darkness and into a place of safety and benefit for you and for others.

It is my firm belief that no one acts in such a way unless they are genetically so inclined, or unless they have been wounded along the way. In both situations wise, responsible and generous love is required.

WITHIN THE WIDEST BOUNDARIES

This chapter is devoted most specially to those whose lives and love bring happiness and joy to others, while yet being expressed in alternative or unconventional relationships. All the while church refuses to minister to such people, it betrays the gospel of love, and misses out on the deep well of experience that such people are only too happy to share.

27: THE COFFIN TRADE

There is a scandalous and damaging trade in death carried on in this country between the undertaking profession and the Church of England.

Put simply the Church of England has the monopoly on funeral services. The system runs like this; someone dies, the family attend the local undertakers and as most families have no alternative suggestion, the funeral is passed automatically to the local Church of England priest.

The church is eager to protect the system because of course it receives considerable revenue from it. However, because it is a monopoly with no real accountability the general standard of service given is appalling.

If you have been to a funeral service recently you may well be nodding. The priest has had little or no contact with the family and has found out little or nothing about the deceased.

The priest relies heavily upon the service text which, as he delivers it ad nauseam week in and week out, becomes a groan of meaningless religious sound for the mourners. For the priest too it is yet another service within an already busy week which he or she could well do without.

ALTERNATIVES

Because the system is so well wrapped up by the church it is hard for families to know of any alternatives. Indeed they undertake as themselves find it a tricky situation. I have witnessed many discussions of priests meetings were plans were being drawn up to contact undertake as the with all guns blazing because they were passing funerals to other people who were thus getting the income.

They can often only help if their families themselves request a different priest or person to take the service.

When I began to offer a funeral ministry as an independent priest it exposed the depths to which the church was willing to stoop to act politically to try and safeguard its trade in death. Church officials circulated letters and make phone calls.

Thankfully there are those undertakers who are more concerned for their clients than the system. They were willing to recommend me, and now many families ask for my ministry anyway.

HORROR STORIES

Sometimes I cannot believe my ears when families tell me of their experiences at the hands of priests--those who turn up late for services, who use the wrong name, who never refer to the deceased, and never even use their name.

Worse, though, are those who want to justify to themselves why they are taking this service anyway. After all, none of the family come to the church, so they turn the funeral into some sort of evangelistic circus--not quite a Billy Graham crusade but not far off, with heavy doctrine preached and a call given for commitment.

I know of one family who had been devastated when the priest was adamant that their loved one would not be going to heaven because she had never given her heart to Jesus and the family must treat the funeral as a chance for them to convert to avoid the same fate.

THE ESSENTIALS IN TRAGEDY

The family of someone who has died desperately want and need to talk about their loved one. They want to fill the cruel absence that death has forced upon them with their memories, stories and recollection of their loved one.

It is of the utmost importance to me to spend quality time in listening sensitively to the family telling me their stories and, by asking them appropriate questions to begin to gain a picture and understanding of the life of the deceased.

In fact, this preparation can itself help in the pain of bereavement because it reawakens a host of memories and brings the person's life even more vividly into focus.

THE FUNERAL

I had had many families say to me that whereas they had been dreading the service before hand they had in fact found it to be a helpful, even healing experience.

What is essential in considering the service is that the text, the prayers and the readings must meet and love the mourners in their need. The text has no importance of its own, other than to serve those attending. The many priests who remains slaves to the text have missed the point.

In the funeral service I talk extensively about the bereaved, making them present, bringing them back to life through word and story, sensitively sculpted together. I help make the idea of resurrection real by signalling to the family how they can move from feeling close to the body of their loved one to feeling close to their spirit instead, in the same way that lovers feel close even when separated by many miles. Their loved ones remain present today and tomorrow as they were yesterday, only in a different way.

That form needs to be revealed by the priest in the service and shown to the family so they leave with a sense not only a cruel loss but also a mysterious beckoning, a sense of promise, of a togetherness with their loved one that they must learn about and which holds a greater closeness than even that which they had known.

AND JUST A SPRINKLING OF RELIGION

Around this carefully presented portrayal of their loved one, the prayers and the carefully presented readings must be placed to cushion and embrace the mourners in their pain. They must be resources as important and as sweet as arms of comfort, a mug of coffee or a good night's sleep and they must be palatable, nourishing and easily digestible. They must make sense.

AN ART FORM

Every service is a work of art, but perhaps none more so than the funeral. Those attending are highly vulnerable and every part of the service needs the most careful attention. It is therefore outrageous that this most acute part of the church's ministry to the public should be carried out in such a routine and insensitive manner.

YOU CAN'T DO THAT

The priests tyranny even intrudes into the place of death. We read in the papers about the crass decisions to ban the families from using certain names and descriptions from tombs stones. So in the service too, families are told they can't include a particular song, piece of music, reading, flag, organisation.

The priest vets the proceedings, taking care of his or her own feelings and beliefs and putting the families second. Why? The priest is there to serve the people, not to rule over them and coerce them into his or her value judgements and prejudices. If his or her concern is for truth there can be no greater truth than the requests of the family and the ingredients of the deceased's life.

SKIN DEEP REACTIONS

Surely a priest should be someone who does not go by outward appearance alone and is not quick to jump to conclusions.

I have had a number of families who have come and asked for an atheist service. 'What!' My colleagues have said. 'No mention of God? Impossible!'

But why? From thought or experience, people may have come to reject certain aspects of life either positively or because they have become associated rightly or wrongly with something that has hurt them.

What is of importance is what lies within the heart of those involved. A service which is full of love and lovingly taken, need have no religious words whatsoever. I love that Bible passage which says that 'God is love and those who live in love live in God and God lives in them.'

I haven't yet encountered a person who had no use for love, who did not respond when loved, who was not damaged through being denied love. Love is the basic nutrients for our lives, our sunshine and our hope.

If the priests capacity to love is his exhausted when certain words are absent, it is a sorry state of affairs.

28: FROM PETS TO PASSION

When you look at the service books and the types of service offered by the denominational churches, it is hard to believe how unimaginative and limiting is the system of worship on offer.

People today have many varied needs for worship, which arise out of their experience. The frightened priests runs to his or her prayer book and finds that there just is not a service to fit their needs, or if there is, it is stiff and out of touch.

There is a vast range of needs. A woman has miscarried and wants a service for her lost child, an elderly couple want to bury the fifteen year old family pet, a couple want to renew their wedding vows after ten years, parents want a blessing and dedication service for their newborn, a group of friends want to share communion in the countryside, an eighteen year old wants to mark a special birthday, a graduate wants to celebrate a degree, a family are looking to have their new home blessed. The list of possibilities is endless.

The need for prayer flows naturally from the events of life. The church should provide a ministry designed to weave a spiritual awareness into the fabric of everyday existence. Instead the services are repetitive and pointless, for they have so little relevance toor connexion with people's lives and concerns.

THE DREADED COMMITTEE

The system that all worship material has to be approved by committee and synod indicates the extent of control which officials like to exert over the churches.

What I find exhilarating is to receive a request from a person or family for a particular type of service and then to rise to the challenge of writing and producing something suitable. The process is interactive. The text is viewed by the family whose comments inform the subsequent drafts until I am left with a service which is alive with the hearts and minds of those for whom it has significance.

The words for worship had been rescued from the fog of church debate and stilted compromise and have been placed back into the mouths of the worshippers. They can speak their own language and not one thrust upon them.

TIMID AND TRAPPED

So often, religious people become boxed in and look nervously over their shoulders lest they have contaminated themselves or their spiritual life with unclean sources.

It is a sad approach to life, which runs counter to a belief in the creativity and diversity of God's activity. Everything is available to include in worship. Art, music, writing, all the different strands of human endeavour and achievement are potential resources.

In tight Christian circles you'll hear the comments, that 'It is not of God, it is not Christian, it cannot be used.' Do these people really believe that God is so small as to be trapped inside their world view.

God is to be found in everything. It makes no difference whether something comes from another religious tradition or from an atheist. What matters is whether it carries with it the spark of life and light which feeds the worshipper. If so it can be used gladly.

BUT MINISTRY TO PETS, THAT'S GOING TOO FAR

You only have to talk with people who are or have been devoted to their pets to respect their reverence and love of their animals. Sometimes we mock such attachments and the investment of attention that goes into them, but as with most commitments someone standing watching from the sidelines is rarely able to understand the mystery of such a person's experience.

You have to enter the hearts of people to feel and understand. You have to see the world with their eyes. In doing so you appreciate the immense significance of the pet within the person's or the family's life and history.

When illness strikes or when death finally comes, prayer, and anointing and proper ministry express love both for the pet and the carers. Such ministry values and cherish es all that has been known and given in the relationship that has often spanned many years.

COMMUNION

Some of the most beautiful communion services I have taken since practising as an independent priest have been outside in places of natural beauty. The nature of the service has been informal, with those attending being able to express themselves freely. The services have had a simple structure, the prayers for everyone to join in as well as just for the priest. However, some people have walked around, some remained silent, some have asked questions. There have been pauses, songs, laughter and quiet ness.

The sharing of bread and wine has been natural, like passing round a plate of biscuits, but also supernatural in that the experience has been charged with a sense of the closeness of the group and their willingness to accept each other with all their differences, as well as the awareness of that love which is beyond us.

COUNSELLING

Counsellors often do so much damage, particularly when they have little self awareness and are working from a strong philosophical base.

I enjoy the opportunity of being able to encounter people as they are, with the desire to love them, understand them and walk with them as they understand themselves. So often, people come into counselling with the desire to become different, or for something to happen or to change.

What is the greatest help is to experience being loved and accepted just as you are and thus to come out from the corner and see and own yourself as you are. The quest for change is often a flight from reality; with self awareness comes a natural growth which takes its own course.

THE DEMON FACTOR

I am always fascinated when I am asked to exorcise a house, place or person. People often come with very clear language about what is going on and what they want me to do.

Behind language lie a thousands secrets waiting to be uncovered and a thousand truths waiting to be told. So my first task has always been to try and analyse the situation. When people use the language of religion it is often clear that they cannot handle what is happening in their everyday lives. Priests who go in and clumsily brandish religious symbols around the place like holy water are treading on dangerous ground and can often do more damage than they realise. Only after careful talking and sometimes counselling should the suitcase of religious tricks be opened and a symbolic drama between good and evil ensue.

My most vivid case to date, however, involved exorcising a house on the Yorkshire moors while the wind roared and the doors slammed, just like in the films!

AND SO MUCH MORE

As a priest I have become involved in so many situations that it is hard to write about them all. Visiting the sick and lonely is a quiet part of my work and at times the most harrowing part is to help and support people, particularly children, preparing to die and at the last to watch with them to the end.

The poor come for assistance, people in financial difficulties come for guidance, I end up acting as accountant, solicitor and advocate for folk in distress. As a priest I must turn any skill or resource I have to help others and that leads me down many different walks of life.

BUT WOULD YOU DO ANYTHING?

So far I have never been asked to provide a service which didn't make good sense within the lives of the people concerned. In addition, with hardly an exception, I have felt satisfied at the end of the ministry that those involved had achieved and received a wholesome inspiration.

Sometimes things have been somewhat hairy and unforeseen practical problems have arisen. Jeremy Beadle would love to get his hands on some of the videos. On one occasion the family puppy had managed to gnaw through his tether and came haring out of the house sending candle sticks and cross flying while he jumped up wildly all over the brides dress; but such scenarios thankfully have been few and far between.

29: MONEY, BUSINESS, CULTS AND OTHER QUESTIONS

When I first began, some sections of the press criticised me for my brochure and suspected that it was making a business out of religion.

Nothing could have been further from the truth. I enjoy trying to do things with efficiency and a professionalism that respects the people who turn to me for ministry. It honours my priesthood and it is an expression of my beliefs.

Good systems which help rather than hinder people are an asset. What so often happens, though, is that the system becomes all important and the people and ideals within it are lost.

I was determined that whatever system I had in place would be continually flexible and responsive to the different needs which people presented. I was pioneering a new form of ministry in the country, and everything had to be set in place as my work developed.

Initially various agents contacted me wanting me to enter into contracts with them, setting it up very much as a business. That held no interest for me whatsoever. My motivation and my enthusiasm arose as from my priest hood and my belief that I was discovering a way to minister in this country with the freedom and freshness essential to the Christian gospel.

THE COSY PACKAGE

The Church of England has been cunning in the development of its employment package. The priest has what is called the freehold and is basically unsackable, has a job for life, is provided with an above average house, has numerous perks including interest free loans, tax free heating lighting and cleaning costs, a non contributory pension, private health care, sickness benefits, an ample salary and access to additional grant making bodies.

It adds up to a considerable income.

So the concept of becoming self-employed and having to provide everything myself was a daunting prospect. It was necessary to be realistic about supporting myself and asking people for appropriate contributions towards my ministry.

Thankfully the first trickle of interest to my work has grown to an enthusiastic response.

INFORMATION AND CHOICE

Over the years I have developed a series of letters which give full information about my ministry and the various services are for. If people want to book a specific date I can send them a letter which gives all the details about what is involved.

It is important that I am always flexible in being able to respond to people's different situations. If anyone has a difficulty financially or otherwise and I always try to work out a way they can have their service. That means of at times I do services for no contribution at all as I would never one to the family to be prevented from having ministry because of money.

However the income I receive from my ministry enables me to live and supports me in the routine pastoral work with which I am involved.

BUT YOU ARE NOT ENCOURAGING PEOPLE TO GO TO CHURCH

Whenever people gather who share a Christian belief, they are the church. It is not a matter of 'going to' church but 'being' the church and gathering as church. The church is made up of people and it must not be mistaken for the small group of people who choose to go to a building on a Sunday morning and who call themselves the church.

My ministry helps, encourages and enables people to gather as church far more than they would otherwise have done. After such experiences it may well be that they become more involved in a local gathering of Christians, or it may be that they grow spiritually as individuals, as a family or as a circle of friends.

The obsession of many denominations is to pack their buildings for worship on a Sunday morning but this has little to do with theology or belief and much more to do with the politics of power control and money.

Significantly, nearly all of the families with whom I work regard themselves as part of the Christian family. A mistake being made by many of the denominational churches today is to regard these people differently, as 'non-believers' , just because they do not fit into the system of church attending.

PROVIDING WHAT'S TRUE

'But you are in danger of just providing people with what they want and not what's true.'

If ever such a criticism was appropriate it should be levelled at the parish priests and bishops of the denominational churches. For years there has been the great cover-up about advances in theology and Christian thinking. When the former bishop of Durham, David Jenkins, spoke about what is ordinary Christian understanding in academic circles, there was outcry among the churches. He was seen as a heritc and a blasphemer. The truth is that many bishops and priests had sympathy with his views but would not dare admit it out of fear for their popularity.

Most priests speak the language their congregations want to hear. Christians look around the supermarket of religion in their neighbourhood and pick out the goods that are right for them. Perhaps its the smells and bells church, or the charismatics, or the hot Protestant preachers. When they go they expect to hear the words with which they will agree.

When I offer complete choice to those with whom I work, I only offer that greater respect this is willing to work with anyone of any persuasion, of any viewpoint, because the differences they exhibit are all a part of God's creativity. As a priest I am called not to show partiality but to love all and everything.

30: LOVED AND CHERISHED

Love is the sunshine of our lives. When we feel loved we grow and blossom as people and as ourselves. Most of our lives are spent tramping the earth to find love; in that search, we meet many who love us-- our mothers and fathers, the wider family and friends, our partners or spouses. Within all these relationships we learn about love as a vital ingredient for our well-being.

At some point in the unfolding experiences of love we wake up to the stunning and revealing mystery that the point of our maturing and contentment comes when we are able to love ourselves.

All the love received has been a series of pointers on the journey, signals and prompts. All are designed to guide us to the holy door through which alone we can pass into the place of self worth and self love.

THE GARDEN OF JOY

Once we are through the door, the world becomes a safer and altogether happier place. Not only are you suffused with a sense of love and being loved from a source which is reliable-yourself-but also your desire to love is increased.

You become sensitised to love as the honey bee is to pollen. Love is in the air, all around, and you can drink eagerly from family and friends in a new and living way. Just as you can pour love over them and over others in generous proportions.

BUT WHAT IS THE WAY TO THIS GARDEN, THIS HOLY DOOR?

There are numerous dead ends, wrong turnings and obstacles designed to keep us from finding our way. Perversely, religion is one such obstacle. It can play havoc with people's lives and leave them guily-ridden, bowed and despairing.

How dare that be allowed to happen.

As we grow, we are faced with so many competing claims for our attention many of them arise from people with vested interests or broken desires. When we succumb to these people innocently, we have to realise that we are choosing to be imprisoned by another person's weakness.

The path to maturity is a perilous one, but it is one on which we can stand tall and free, having shaken off many encumbrances and being able to own ourselves as unique individuals as well as being able to know those parts within us which are damaged, weak or wounded.

Progress is made when we can begin to accept who we are, not who we might become or who we would like to be, but who we are. There's nothing more important than owning the reality of what is. I am what I am and who I am.

THE POWER BROKERS

Around you there will be individuals, groups and ideologies which say, 'Well you are OK, but if this... and if that…. you would be better.'

Do not listen. You are what you are.

Love that you. It is the only you there will ever be or that you will ever have.

BUTTERFLY WINGS

This isn't an argument for apathy or for shutting out the world and blocking everyone else's criticism of you. We can never live as an island and our health is dependant on how we manage to integrate our lives within the community around us.

It is from the position of loving yourself that you can truly listen to and sift the clamour of comments around you and make choices for your life and future. Instead of being crushed by the weight of other people's needs and expectations, you can witness a natural personal metamorphosis and love the new found freedom which a butterfly wings provide.

CATERPILLAR DAYS

The church prefers maggots and caterpillars. They have less scope for movement and are more easily contained. Being ravenously hungry, they stay close to the food provider.

Control is exercised with a range of do's and don'ts and threatened sanctions - in this world and, more sinister still, in the next. It is a cleverly worked system which feeds off a person's need for love and acceptance.

FLY COLOURFUL AND FREE

As someone who has grown to love yourself and so become able to love others, the world is before you. The colours and contours of all things are visible and the choice is firmly in your grasp as to where you land what you feed on and whom you will bless.

Plants in the Christian garden may be succulent, but there are so many other gardens, so many wild hedgerows, so much in the world to attract and nourish, as well as so much to do.

Through wisdom and experience you can measure the stature and learn the content of all things, you can value the good and discard the bad. You are responsible for the precious person that is you, and everything which you consume in every way will affect your growing and you doing.

VITAL INGREDIENTS

Happiness requires generous helpings of common sense. Your body must be treasured with good food, regular exercise, proper sleep and general care. You mind must be respected too, with stimulating reading, culture, hobbies and good quality discussion.

Your soul and spirit need beauty, silence, reflection, with moments of wonder, awe and hope. Your heart needs good and wholesome relationships, people who respect and love you for yourself, people with whom you can laugh and cry and unlock the potential of the future.

You need to be true to yourself and what is. Never fear reality, it is what it is. Fantasy and imagination can play untold tricks and visit you with terror. In the soil of knowing what you are and what is, there grow unimagined possibilities. It is the place where dreams come true.

BEAUTIFUL, GLORIOUS, WONDERFUL YOU.

Yes, with your strengths and weaknesses, your successes and failures, your darkness and your light, you have the right to be. You have the right to believe in yourself, to love yourself and be proud of yourself. Do not let the soul-killers, the life-haters, the rabid religio-nuts, the cramping ideologues, the destroying dogmatists, the don't-ers and can't-ers and shouldn't-ers, the God says this and the Bible says that' ers, the what would people think'ers, the control freaks found under every stone and round every corner in every profession and in all walks of life--do not let them get at you, do not let them trap you, do not let them squeeze you into the pit of conformity.

You are you. There is no one on earth like you. There never has been and never will be. Your views, approach, belief, prayers, thoughts, actions and life will be as no other. You're a gift to this world. A precious life.

Love yourself. Allow others to love you. Love others. Love life in all its incredible beauty.

31: A NEW WAY FORWARD

During the first years of ministry there were many priests who contacted me, fascinated by what I was doing. They spoke to me of their frustration with the system and their sense of being prevented from being able to offer a proper priestly ministry.

However, they felt trapped. The transition from parish life to working independently was an immense step and too great for many to manage successfully, however much they may have wanted to try.

But too many priests are working unhappily in church settings, caught up in an endless round of diocesan church business and meetings, pecked at daily by the same group of parishioners and hardly ever in contact with the majority of people in the area.

Is this what God called you to do?

There are others who for a variety of reasons have run into conflict with the powers that be and no longer have a parish. Yet you still believe in your priestly ministry and are grieved at the system's apparent ability to frustrate your calling.

Others have come unstuck at some point or other and may for many years have pursued other careers. However, whatever any officials may decide, you know that sufficient healing has taken place in your heart and soul to begin your priestly work again.

To all such priests there is the same challenge. Your life is the only life you will ever have. If you are not doing what you feel is right for your life and what you believe God wants you to be doing, then it is within your power to change that situation.

Do not wait to be given permission, or for the doors to open. You have been given the responsibility and the commission by God to make your plans and your choices.No one else can do that for you. Do not waste your life, the priesthood and the ministry that is yours.

The Holy Spirit will come, likened by Jesus to the wind, invisible, unpredictable, surprising and energising, leading us on, breaking down our preconceptions, challenging our neat and tidy lives and thoughts, keeping us on our toes, adventuring and exploring.

That spirit, the spirit of God, must never be lost from our lives. Once it is gone, we, or our organisation, are like a body after death, like a balloon deflated. The material is still there, but it's essential life has drained away and rendered it useless.

THE LIVING BREATH

I once saw two frogs that at some time before had been mating. One had died and the other had not stopped clinging to its decaying body. It was a disturbing site.

Whether it be a religion, the church, a movement, a cause, a marriage, a relationship, whatever, once the spirit, the living breath has gone, decisions need to be taken for change.

In society and in the church there are so many of us who remain clinging to what is dead. Somehow owning the truth of what has happened, letting go and journeying anew is so terrifying that clinging to a corpse is preferable.

UNTOLD POSSIBILITIES

Yet there is so much to see, do, feel, know, experience and achieve. The universe is replete with mystery. The world and its continents with available adventures, our own land wide and vast. In addition, the realm of thought and imagination covers an even more tantalisingly infinite expanse. How tragic if some choice, religion or system should sentence you to eke out your days in a rut, in a soul destroying situation, at a dead end.

Instead, allow for no such limitation. Realise how precious and important it is to preserve and protect the breath of life within you and your life as well as that spiritual flame which must burn for ever. If it should ever begin to fade or dim, do whatever it takes to maintain its light, its strength, its warmth and its hope; its vital supply of energy is love.

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The Most Reverend Jonathan Clive Blake

Bishop of Greater London

The Presiding Archbishop of The Open Episcopal Church

B.A. ( HONOURS ) Dip. Pastoral Studies

Books & Theses - Part 4

JONATHAN`S BOOK

THE NEW HAS COME